»  Letter: Saturday, March 19, 1977

    J.R. Derbyshire to John Derbyshire

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Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

 

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  Transcription of Letter

From
J R Derbyshire
62 Frairs Avenue
Delapre
Northampton
England

To
John Derbyshire
14 Legion Drive
Valhalla
New York 10595
U.S.A.

19-3-77  62 Friars Av

Dear John,

Many thanks for your letter & Birthday for mum :  & Lou  As you say bills are always regular & have to be paid in the end & the time to worry is when you have'nt the cash to meet them. I was just the same at your age for writing letters & it took mine 8 weeks to reach thier destination but time flies at your age & it wont stop till you are my age & then you will find out fast time can fly. It must have been some meal $108 or there where a lot of you, I think I its a bit steep. Now when I talk about women I am generalising as all women are not the same, only certain characteristics are inherent in all. In my time I have known every type of woman & believe me thier make up & emotions are unfathomable & differ but when you weigh them up they amount to the same. An old comic on the stage once said, "There are 2 stages of a womans life which man knows nothing about, thats before he marries her & after"  hence the old adage, "You never marry the woman you courted" hence: never think she means what she says as it only what you want to hear, & last week I told you "never to shit on your own door step, which being freely transelated never play about anyone who lives or works near you, & never marry a woman with children its fatal. At your age romance & love are only polite names for sex & are very much overrated & sex after marriage is there when you want it & its also there when you dont want it & this is the bigest cause of rows in marriage. Money is the next. You can endure the crisises if you have the money but without money behind you marriage is bloney. Now you can say why did I marry. Well I will tell you if you will keep it to yourself. I was a mature 42 & your mum was 29 when we met & she was engaged to be married[1]  & was fed up waiting. My Parents were old & looking after Noel was too much so I decided I would have a home of my own & Noel could have a mother, but it did'nt work out hence Noels 23 yrs in the army. It was Noels fault he would'nt share me with Mum he wanted me to his self. So I signed the Forms for him to go in the Army. Mum tried hard to please him, but he was only 16 & did'nt understand. he always adored Judith & you & Mum after he had been in the Army a while. I have no regrets about marrying Mum the advantages have all been mine & we have had our ups and downs, but in my job, I could'nt be home only Week-ends & it left her with most of the worry. I am telling you this so you will see I had known a lot of women & I know a lot more now & ints only in the University of the world that you can get that knowledge. I dont want you to think I want to live your life for you. You are gaining experience all the time & I like to think & want you know the many pitfalls in man woman relationship. it a signing away of your freedom & you just get in a rut & stagnate  You & Judith saved our marriage because we both adore children & whatever you or Judith do, right or wrong we would stand by you because we love you & are the cause of you being here, you had no choice, we did. all this is between you & me & I wouldnt confide in anyone else. O K

We are longing to see you & looking forward to your visit & hope all turns out as you want it to. You will find many changes since you left & not to the benifit of the townspeaople. Its a very changed world now, I E. no punishment for the crime  all graft OK & no disapline  crime is now a trade, well paid, & if caught promise not to do it again & its OK with the judge. By the way how is Tom going on is he back at work  We still dont know if they have cancelled the China yet. Has your room mate left yet & where will it leave you or are you fixed up. Mum had a card from Mary & Jay. I will write to Noel about getting together, his son Robert is getting married in June so perhaps you will be here then  Judith has a lovely Baby Boy Ginger & its lovely to see Tessa looking after him. Judith starts back to school on Monday & he is going to stay at home & look after baby ?  Personaly I think its criminal to bring a child in these times because there is bound to be an eruption soon as everyone is tensed up & only waiting for the spark to start it off

We put the clocks on tomorrow night so spring cant be far away & I am looking forward to some sunshine. What will you do with your car whilst you are over here. I hope I dont bore you with my lectures on women but I want you to be happy & as you may know, there is an old saying " Marriage is like having a feed of Mushrooms, you dont know whether they were Mushrooms or not till its to late. You are now in the position now of no return with lou you cant ditch her & work in the same place seeing her every day & I can assure she intends to marry you & is using the usual lead up & technique as used by Eve, they all use it, even your Mum did & it is easy for me to know it as I have been through it several times. She has you were she wants you so dont let it hang on. I tell you now if I was in your place I would pack the job up rather than be caught. So read what I have told you & sit down & have a good think, I am sure, you have to make up your mind because when you find out you will want to get out, she will take you to the cleaners, no different than what you have seen happen to some of the blokes you know. All for now  write soon

        love

            Dad  Mum

                  X X X X X X

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  Notes

  1. To a man named Eric Baxter, I think. He was a builder, but his business had suffered badly because of the war.