»  Letter: Saturday, November 16, 1974

    E.A. Derbyshire to John Derbyshire

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Mrs. J.R. Derbyshire
62, Friars Avenue

Mr J. Derbyshire
57, North Perkins Avenue
Elmsford 10523
New York


My darling son,

Thank you for super letter and dollars it is very much appreciated, I have put it in the bank it's usually about 2 weeks before it's converted. I'm very pleased you like the suit and the wallet love there is another suit here , but It's a summer one I will send to you next year , it looks like a very nice one. I am sending you a polo-necked jersey dear, I'll send it by air in another week or so , I have to send Judy her parcel this coming week , but yours won't be very much, so I will try and send it by next weekend.

We have two lovely days John, warm sunshine and really nice. Dad has a bad cold and is quite poorly but you know what he's like he won't stay in bed, and I don't think he keeps warm enough. He won't have warm sheets on his bed , he will have nylon ones and I don't think they are warm enough, and windows wide open even when it's really cold. I can't stand the cold that Dad can. We don't need anything , dear we have plenty to eat, and are snug enough so don't worry, if you can help at the end of January and end of April which are the two most heavy months for gas and electricity, I should be grateful, otherwise we manage very well. I don't want you to feel under any obligation.

I'm glad things are going well for you my son. If Dad criticises your girl friends dear don't let it bother you, he means well, and loves you very much if somewhat selfishly,only perfection for you is good enough in his eyes and you know how predujiced he is he's too old to alter now. We have come through some unhappy times John I hope you understand now things that perhaps made you unhappy years ago, I look back and blame myself for many things , but running a home and a demanding job hating leaving you and Judy, always wandering if you were alright, I really resented so many things I wanted Dad to be more ambitious and was resentful when it seemed to me I had to be the breadwinner and to make any decisions in the home. We never communicated with each other like you do today, either through pride or ignorance. I could have left many times, but never leave you and Judy, and Dad would not let me take you. So the years have flown my love, and all bitterness passed. If you love a girl my son, and marry, never harbour ill feelings, let her know by word and deed that you love her don't take her for granted, know her sexual needs, after all to my mind it's the driving force in life and should be shared happily, no marriage can survive without this harmony, and has really been the cause of all the problems in my marriage, Dad just didn't want to know. I have never unfaithful, but it has not been easy. I am — or was a very loving nature, perhaps this is why I leaned on you both so much, I had to know someone loved me. I am telling you this my love, so that perhaps it will help you to understand me, the quarrels we had and how unhappy two people can make each other. I hope and think you and Judy will do better.

I'm content now love, and all things considered I think my darlings have done us proud. Judy was always more prickly than you, I suffered for her and with her but didn't know how to get to her, we just seemed to hurt each other. I was on her side, but Dads attitude made things so difficult, it was almost unbearable. I wanted Tess from the start and it grieved me so much I couldn't have them both home at the time, I still reproach myself that I didn't do enough for her and understand her better. I have preached enough darling, but I love you all and your well being and happiness is all I ask now. If you do decide on marriage John give it a great deal of thought first, it saves a lot of misery, and no doubt listening to pals problems you know it is harder to undo and where children are incolved, it is very traumatic for them.

After Xmas I am going to have some swimming lessons, as I must be able to go into the pool with Tessa. I'm hoping to go next September. How about coming with me across U.S.A. it would be marvellous. I've made a Xmas cake Michael Cobbins flew back to Australia last week his Mum wouldn't go after all but he's very good to her. He came round & had a chat with Dad. He has his own business & has become a naturalized Aussie, wouldn't ever live in U.K. again.!! Well, my love, take care, hope no more bumps,[1] thinking of you,

Loving Mother    X  X  X  X  X  X  X  X

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Will write again soon.



  1. I had had a fender bender.