»  Radio Derb — Transcript

01 — Intro.     Ooh, wow! Okay, just made it into the studio there. I tell you, you really gain some experience in this line of work.

Okay, Radio Derb is on the air once again, ladies and gentlemen. This is your genial host John Derbyshire, with all the important points from the week's news.

Radio Derb is somewhat abbreviated this week, I'm sorry to say, as I have to fly out at an ungodly hour on Thursday morning to attend a family wedding in my natal place.

This big fat English wedding is actually scheduled for Saturday, but of course I shall take the opportunity thoroughly to reacquaint myself with my relatives over there in the Mother Country, and so I shall be incommunicado for a few days.

Never fear, though. Forewarned by the Archbishop of Canterbury, I shall brush up on my sharia law before setting foot on the Ould Sod — I mean the country, not the Archbishop — and so I should be able to stay out of trouble during my visit … I mean, my Hajj.

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Barack Obama seems to be having the same kind of fun with us. In an interview reported in the International Herald Tribune, March 23rd, the Senator denied that he's a liberal. No, no, he declared, Heaven forbid anyone should think he's a liberal. He's a progressive and a pragmatist, he wants us to know. Progressive and pragmatist, but definitely not liberal.

Okay, Senator, so how come National Journal, after going through your voting record, rated you to the left of Ted Kennedy and Bernie Sanders?

The Senator's response is basically to roll his eyes and tell you that that kind of thinking is so 2007. Quote:

A lot of these old labels don't apply anymore.

Another quote:

We need a leader who can finally move beyond the divisive politics of Washington and bring Democrats, independents, and Republicans together to get things done.

End quote.

In other words, Obama wants us to believe that his powers of leadership are so irresistible that once he becomes President, all disagreement will cease. The lion shall lie down with the lamb; swords will be beaten into plowshares; the farmer and the cowman will be friends [Clip from Oklahoma!]; and those who want God to bless America and those who want God to damn America will find common ground — perhaps, "God, please don't mind America." All rancor will cease and a new morning of harmony, peace and universal justice will dawn over Obamaland.

But what, I wonder, will happen to those of us who don't go along with the new spirit of unity? We shall be cast out into the place of wailing and gnashing of teeth, I suppose.

Well, personally I have no problem with that. That's pretty much where we conservatives have been for the past 20 years, anyway.

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That was Mrs Clinton arriving for a photo-op in Bosnia back in the days when she was accumulating all that experience she likes to boast about. Hillary and Chelsea had to run for cover as bullets cracked over their heads, shells dropped all around them, and body parts were flying in all directions.

It was all pretty dramatic the way Hillary has been telling it. Then the actual news clips of the event surfaced, and guess what? There was no incoming at all: just Hillary smiling her way through another First Lady event with Chelsea simpering alongside her.

Now the candidate is under fire, if you'll pardon the expression, for having been caught out telling little pork pies about her Bosnia experience.

Could it be? Could it possibly be that Bill Safire was right back in 1996 when he wrote that, quote:

Americans of all political persuasions are coming to the sad realization that our First Lady, a woman of undoubted talents, who was a role model for many in her generation, is a congenital liar.

Well, of course it depends what you mean by "liar" and what you mean by "is" and what you mean by "a."

And also it depends how much you think this particular whopper weighs in the balance against Barack Obama saying that in 20 years of membership of Jeremiah Wright's congregation, he was never once in church when the Righteous Rev called down fire and brimstone on the United States of KKK America.

What a sweet bunch they are, these Democrats, aren't they? Looking straight at the cameras and then lying through their teeth. They're doing the impossible here: They're making John McCain look good.

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Well, he's been polishing up his economic credentials. If the economy goes south, you see, then all those illegal immigrants will be out of work, and that would break old John-John's heart.

American citizens out of work? What's so special about them? Do they expect that just because they have that dumb "citizenship" boondoggle, they're entitled to special consideration from the U.S. government? Pah! Damn racists. Don't they know we're all children of God.

Anyway, the Senator from Mexico City has an economic plan. Remember when John was making fun of his own economic ignorance? Well, you won't be hearing too much of that any more. With commodity prices going up, up, up, and house prices going down, down, down, and the French being hired to build our planes for us — the French! Oh boy — Well, with all this, "it's the economy, stupid," and boasting that you're stupid about the economy is getting to be a seriously poor campaign strategy.

John-John put a toe in the water this week by commenting on the mortgage crisis. Quote:

It is not the duty of government to bail out and reward those who act irresponsibly.

End quote.

Well, that's sound enough as it goes; but now, John, suppose a person crosses illegally into someone else's country and takes up work there in defiance of that country's laws. Does that count as "acting irresponsibly"? Should the government bail out and reward such a person? … Senator? … Hello, Senator? … Hello, Senator?   Hello? … Hello? …

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They wanted the Olympics so badly as a big propaganda show for their dictatorship. Everything was going to be stage managed, just like a big old party rally in Peking, with the party bosses making speeches about how wonderful they were, throngs of hand-picked citizens chanting party slogans in unison, and kitschy performances by troupes of dancers in pastel-colored filmy robes, all glorifying the Motherland.

The self-appointed, self-elected leaders of China were so looking forward to it — a chance to bask in the warm approval of their people and of the world, their wisdom and the rightness of their rule acknowledged by all.

[Clip: "The East is Red."]

Now people — and not just cranky people like me, either, but people like, oh, the President of France — people are starting to say: "Why should we contribute to the glorification of a bunch of imperialist gangsters never elected by anyone, sitting with armies of occupation on a million square miles of other people's land, beating senseless anyone who complains, and trying to get everyone to believe that land has always belonged to them? Why should we make ourselves stooges for these tyrants? If they want to show the world what an up-to-date modern nation they are, why don't they give up colonialism as other nations did half a century ago?"

The tricky thing here is that ordinary people in China who don't much like the Communist Party nonetheless see the Olympics in terms of national pride and will be furious if people like me, who were hoping for a fiasco, get what we're hoping for.

But there you are. The misdeeds of the rulers redound on the people. That's natural justice, I'm afraid. I know the Chinese people didn't choose the communists at any point. They have gone along with the occupation and destruction of Tibet and Eastern Turkistan though, and the bill is coming due.

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People who drove Land Rovers were in a slightly different league. They were farmers mostly — just as prosperous as the gin and Jag crowd usually, but with some more rugged requirements from their automobiles.

Well, Jaguar and Land Rover both got their comeuppance this week as both brands were bought up by Tata, the Indian car maker.

Indian! Tucked away in seaside resorts around the English coast there must still be a few old Indian Army officers nursing their memories of pig-sticking and durbars and the native princes and tiffin on the veranda with the district superintendent. I wonder what they think of old British car firms being bought up by the grandchildren of their sepoys.

Time to update Kipling.

Ho! get away you bullock-man, you've 'eard the bugle blowed.
There's a Jaguar a-comin' down the Grand Trunk Road.

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Here is the March 13th issue of Deccan Herald. The Deccan is the central plateau of southern India. And who's this being interviewed in the Deccan Herald? Why, it's Richard Williams, father of Venus and Serena Williams, the black superstars of female tennis.

What does Mr Williams want to tell the Indians? Quote:

I'm black and I'm prejudiced, very prejudiced. I'll be always prejudiced as the white man. The white man hated me all my life and I hate him. That's no secret. I'm not even an American. It just so happens that I was born in America. People are prejudiced in tennis. I don't think Venus or Serena was ever accepted by tennis. They never will be, but if you get some little white, no-good trasher in America like Tracy Austin or Chris Evert who cannot hit the ball, they will claim this is great.

End quote.

You know, I'd be mad about this if I thought that American society or American sports fans or American commerce had contributed anything to the wealth and success that Mr Williams and his daughters now enjoy.

Fortunately the U.S.A. contributed nothing. The Williamses would be just as rich and just as famous — in fact, probably more so — if they'd all been born in Burkina Faso. Anyone can figure that out.

In any case, what do I know? I'm just a typical white person.

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Who is Jose Manuel Barroso?

Give up? Well, he's the President of Europe.

Yes: The European Union, which now covers 27 nations, has a President. Mr Barroso, who comes from Portugal, has held the position for three and a half years.

There will likely be a new President next year, with the smart money on ex-British-Prime-Minister Tony Blair. There will also be a new European Constitution in force as of January '09. Now this gets tricky, so pay attention here.

These sleek bureaucrats who run the EU and whose life's work is to abolish all those stupid old nations with their ridiculous borders, and to have everyone just be happy, multicultural Europeans, well, they've cooked up an actual Constitution for the brave new Europe.

Unfortunately that Constitution hit a snag. It was supposed to be ratified by all member states. France and the Netherlands each rather incautiously held a referendum so that the people could approve the Constitution democratically.

Unfortunately the people failed to see the joyful benefits of no longer belonging to a historic nation — of handing over their ancient liberties to a bunch of expense-account lawyers and accountants. They voted the Constitution down.

This made the whole business of holding a referendum on the thing really, really unpopular among the other 25 European countries, but they couldn't figure out a way to ratify the Constitution to slip it by their people without having a referendum, so the Constitution has sort of died, although it's considered the height of bad manners to say so.

In its place, the eurocrats dreamed up something milder, the Treaty of Lisbon, and they're asking members states to ratify that in time for next year's elections.

This is the world we live in, listeners. Ordinary people everywhere want sensible commercial relations between nations and easy but regulated travel from one country to another; yet they still want to belong to the nation of their ancestors. They still want to be French, Italian, Irish, or Polish. Nobody much wants to be European, however much globalizing transnational bureaucrats tell them they should want to.

Memo to John McCain. Nobody — nobody but you and Ted Kennedy and George W. Bush and your pals at the Wall Street Journal editorial board — nobody wants to be North American either.

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I now have to get from the studio to my limo outside, so I've called in the Special Forces guys to lay down some covering fire while I make a run for it. It's a dangerous life we lead, we people intent on accumulating experience, but we do it with good cheer in a spirit of patriotism.

All right, here goes. I got my flak jacket on here. If I make it back home, Radio Derb will be on the air again next week with more wisdom culled from my rich experience of life in the U.S. of KKK-A.

Okay guys, let it rip!

[More gunfire and explosions.]

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